I was 18 years old when I signed my first professional contract. From that moment on, hockey has been my job. I was on top of the world! However, I also realized that being a professional player wasn’t my only goal in life. Deep inside, I always wanted to help people and make their lives happier.

Early stages of my professional career passed very quickly leaving various feelings and experiences. One of the brightest and the most positive moments for me was the victory of the KHL Gagarin Cup with SKA ST. Petersburg team. All guys on the team, including me, fought incredibly hard for this victory. We had tremendous support from the whole city of St. Petersburg. Winning felt great, but most importantly it was for our fans. The whole city felt elevated and united by mutual feeling of joy and happiness. It was an amazing feeling which lasted for a very long time.

While it is easy to talk about victories and describe positive emotions of happiness, it is painful to deal with negative moments, defeats and failures. For me, however, such moments are also important as they helped me to grow and become a better player and a better person.

During my dark moments when I played poorly there have been times in my career when people told me “this is the end for you”, “stop”, “quit”. I was facing the tough reality. I was having doubts in my mind that what if these people were right? Should I stop playing and do something else instead? 

However, I decided not to give up and to show to everybody what I can do. I managed to turn all that negativity into strength to push myself even harder. That newly found confidence allowed me to continue to do what I love. I am a fighter and haters can’t bring me down. At the end of the day, I am stronger than any outside force and will keep going no matter what.

Several years went by and then I got the opportunity of my life to try my skills in the best ice hockey league of the world, NHL. I was earlier drafted by the Florida Panthers and was now invited for a tryout camp. It felt unreal. I always had a dream to play in the NHL.

I very much believed that I would make the team. Unfortunately, I wasn’t selected.  I had to admit to myself that perhaps I was not ready for that level of ice hockey yet. It wasn’t easy to accept, but I just had to live with it.

You always hear famous people talk about their success and victories. It is rarer to hear about failures and losses. I believe that failures play a big part in our development as athletes and people. Failures make us stronger and we need to learn from them.

After my failed try in the NHL, I tried to come to terms that perhaps there is a life without ice hockey. Perhaps there is something else that is as beautiful and engaging for me. However, I couldn’t see it. After a short break I realized once again that I was meant to be an ice hockey player. The huge amount of work and sacrifices made by my parents and my coaches can’t be lost. I had to show that I can come back and catch a second wind on my career. And here I am, in Sweden. I am back in the game more excited than ever to show what I can do on the ice!